Perfect You. Perfect Me.
ALL TOGETHER NOW AND OUT LOUD:
There is no such thing as a perfect person.
There is no such thing as a perfect couple.
There is no such thing as a perfect job.
There is no such thing as a perfect family.
There is no such thing as a perfect body.
There is no such thing as a perfect house.
There is no such thing as a perfect car, truck, motorcycle, boat, jeep, go-cart, skateboard, etcetera, etcetera, etceteraaahh!
We all have our own ideas about the perfect what’s and who’s we want in our lives, and that’s exactly the point of this entire piece.
Each idea of perfection is as unique as the individual to whom it belongs.
Perfection is all about perspective. So, considering that perfection is indeed relative, that doesn’t make anything technically perfect, now does it?
I guarantee that your perception of what or who is “perfect” is (very) different from mine, vice versa, and so on.
So, why then, are almost all of us caught up in this evil little game of Comparison? Now, I could get deep and scientific here, because I’ve done loads of research on this topic, but I can already hear you yawning.
Instead, let’s see if we can figure this out in a more relatable way – i.e., the cell phone. Now, think about all the scrolling you did 10 minutes ago.
I’ll recap mine for your amusement, I mean illustration.
1st picture: Brightly-colored photo of an old high school friend with her GQ-husband and two (perfectly groomed) toddlers, dancing in the sun and sawgrass with smiles for days.
1st thought. I wish I was that skinny. 2nd thought. Her husband looks so happy. I wonder if I’ll ever find one of my own. 3rd thought. Are they on vacation? I wish I could afford a vacation. 4th thought. Her hair is gorgeous! I could never pull that off. 5th thought. I wish someone looked at me that way. 6th thought. I’ll never look like her. 7th thought. Why do I even bother trying?
2nd picture: Celebrity holding a 9-month old baby, looking fit & fab, flawless make-up, the trendiest new hair-do and nails on point. Captioned #momlife.
1st Thought. Yeh, riggghhhht. 2nd Thought. Still, wish I looked like her though.
3rd picture: College Roomie, now CEO of a major corporation having champagne brunch on a Tuesday with her (very) posh jet setting friends.
SCREAMING Thoughts: W.T.F. She’s a CEO? I wonder if they know I wrote all her papers?! Chill Candice. You’re happy for her, remember? Really coulda’ used a better college advisor. SMH.
Ok. That’s only my first THREE! How many pictures do you scroll through in one day, one hour even! Sure, your feed might look different than mine, but that’s not the point. Notice how each thought compares myself or my life to people I don’t know any more or even at all! I’m not the only one. We all compare, but oh so often we don’t even know we’re doing it!
Brutal Honesty: This is a HARD habit to break. In fact, I haven’t broken it yet.
But, now that I’m aware, it’s a whole lot easier to shut it down.
For every I can’t, I wish, or I wonder, I counter: I can, I am, I have.
I’ve learned to let those negative thoughts roll on through then counter-attack. I do it this way because sometimes its nearly impossible to shut the voice out, call it the devil or your superego, it doesn’t matter.
If it wants to say something, its going to say it.
We don’t all have the same voices of discouragement and fear, but the struggle is the same. I’ve learned through many battles of my own and my peers that, if you consistently fight like hell, you will drown them out!
This is my Shut-It-Down process:
2. Acknowledgment & Acceptance. Let it blab, then:
3. CLAP-BACK WITH POSITIVITY.
It works. Until, the next scroll that is. 😉
The trick is to keep fighting back! I promise, you’ll wear it down to a whisper and then damn near next to nothing!
It’s become (very) important to me to talk about this issue because I see so many people I love wearing themselves OUT playing this stupid game. It's excruciating to watch. And, personally, I’m done playing games.
My only hope is to encourage you to truly understand just how unique you are!
One of my favorite fun facts is in a Ted Talk by Mel Robbins titled How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over given at TedxSF. (Link below! Go check it out!)
The takeaway: Scientists have crunched the numbers, considered all factors such as war, famine, etc., to determine the odds of you being born – at this time – with your specific DNA. Statistically speaking, YOU are - Wait for it…
1 in 400 Trillion!
Let me write that again (for my own sake).
1 in 400,000,000,000! *mind, blown*
You are here, just as you are, in this life, on this planet, to give the rest of us the gifts of your unique talents and abilities.
I’m not suggesting that we all disengage and stop scrolling. That’s not what this is about. I’m simply proposing that you know your own “perfection” as you do it.
BECAUSE YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE ONE IN FOUR HUNDRED TRILLION. 😊