single. not ready to "mingle"
“When are you going to settle down?”
“You really need to find someone.”
“Aren’t you lonely?”
“Don’t you want kids?”
“Everybody needs Somebody, Candice.”
“You should really consider freezing your eggs.”
“But, aren’t you lonely?”
These are just a few (surprisingly) repetitive convos I’ve had, recently.
I know, I know. It’s baffling. A 30(something) female with a little drive and sense of humor is s.i.n.g.l.e! Whaaa??
Because I know I’m not the only unicorn left in this world, I’ll share my Why so my fellow third-wheelers know they aren’t alone.
Also, for curiosity’s sake, Answers:
I have no idea.
Ahh, so You’re the expert on what I need. Noted.
Okkk, Judgmental Friend. Noted (again).
Umm, What? Did you just Egg-Bomb me?! Wow. (Check please).
No, I. am. Not. lonely.
Now between us, sure, there are lonely moments. But, there were also moments when I wasn’t single that I longed for the freedom to just be with me!
And, most certainly, my Egg-situation is not the best convo starter for a first date, fellas. 😉
I have just as many single friends as I do coupled ones. All (very) different folks in (very) different stages of life.
And while I can’t (and respectfully, won’t) speak as someone who’s boo’d up at the moment, I can speak about being a 30(something), single, Southern female.
Believe it or not, there are others out there - soloing bravely a little longer than the norm, whatever Normal is these days.
And let me just say, it’s not an easy thing to do.
Girl or Guy - Being someone with standards sometimes (always) clashes with the intrinsic desire for coupledom and the societal pressures of fitting in.
However, because I believe in a God whose promises never break, I know when I’m ready, he will be also (whomever he may be). Until then, I am single and not ready to merely mingle.
I’m simply preparing – mind, body and soul – for the one He’s picked out just for me. I’ve been caught off-guard before and I refuse to let it happen again.
As with anything in life worth achieving, the preparation is a process. And, thanks to Mr. Robbins, my prep-time has become quite entertaining, for more reasons than one.
Not long ago, during (another) downward spiral into YouTube wormholes, I came across a Tony Robbins interview about Dating. He spoke about making a list of the qualities you want in a partner. Somewhat a spin-off of the Law of Attraction and a concept I hear (a lot) from the (much) wiser people around me:
Look at the list of what you want (in your partner), then: BE THAT PERSON.
Now I admit, some of what I listed was (way) out of my comfort zone or things I’m terrible at - listing the Ying to my Yang if you know what I mean.
Candidly, I’ll share my top two non-negotiables.
1. Someone “content in his own skin, not always wanting the next best thing or playing the comparison game.”
2. Someone “confident in his God-given identity and purpose.”
At the same moment I wrote those words, I felt Tony reach out and thump my naïve little heart with conviction. OH, now I get it. I can’t ask those things of someone else, if I’m not being those things, or at least trying to be.
Since then, I’ve found plenty of things to do to get where I want to be other than Insta-stalk, attend social functions simply for the sake of hoping “the one” will bump the hors d'oeuvres out of my hands as we magically lock eyes over gouda cheese, or obsessing over (insert Dating App of choice).
I’d also prefer listening to What the Fox Says on repeat at decibels louder than God ever intended than get (palm-sweaty) awkward around every guy my friends set me up with. (Seriously, just don’t tell me it’s a date, and I won’t be weird).
I’m not ungrateful for their good intentions or close-minded to the possibility that I might meet someone today.
I’m always open to meeting new people, but don’t expect me to get googly-eyed because some tall, dark and handsome (who happens to share my odd obsession for avocados) winks my way.
Just because someone is (similarly) spiritual, has a similar (active) lifestyle, or simply is attractive and employed, doesn’t mean we’re Soulmates.
The pieces have to fall into place. They can’t be forced, and I certainly am not going to hack away at myself or my (awesome) life to make it work simply for the sake of being in a relationship.
Some say I’m being a bit bull-headed, but, it’s my prerogative. And right now, I’ve got work to do.
Until we find one another, I’ll simply keep preparing. I’ll keep praying, learning, growing, working, writing, tri-training (or, not drowning), laughing, living and loving every single second of my single life.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or girl, young or old, single, divorced, or widowed – it’s never too early or too late to start becoming your own “person.”
Don’t wait for someone else to fill the holes. Find them and fill them in yourself.
Trust me, the result will be even greater than the reward.
How will I know, you ask? Short answer: I work hard, every single day, in every single way, to be the best version of me I can be. I do this for myself, my family, my friends, my future person, but most importantly, for my Best Friend upstairs.
We’ve been through a lot together, so I believe Him when he says: I’ll know when I know. 😊